Jokes Archives

Joke: Joe walked out of a brothel feeling hungry

As Joe walked out of a brothel, he was overcome by a sudden pang of hunger and decided to grab a bite to eat at the restaurant across the street. He sat down and ordered chicken noodle soup. After a few bites, he found a pubic hair in his soup and told the waitress he wanted a refund. The waitress remonstrated, “Knowing where you just came from, you’re complaining of a hair in your soup?”

Joe replied, “Lady, if I had found a noodle in the ‘meal’ I ordered from the brothel, I wouldn’t have paid there either!”

Joke: Two women talking...

Two Women Talks:

1st: Roz Subha Mera Doodh wala Bohat Dabata hai.

2nd: Mera Tu Paper Wala Acha hai Bilkul bhi nahi Dabata Nechey se hi Daal deta hai.

Joke: Young guy sunbathing in the nude burning his penis

To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop of his apartment to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude but fell asleep and burned his penis.

Not wanting to miss out on his date with the hot blonde, he applied some ointment to his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up at his apartment and after dinner they went into the living room to watch a movie.

During the movie, the young man's sunburn began to hurt. After several minutes of extreme discomfort, he asked to be excused.

A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain. So he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned member into the milk. He experienced immediate relief.

The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his shaft fully immersed in the glass of milk. With a look of understanding the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you load those things!"

Joke: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Question: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: One. One! And you know why? Because no one else in this house knows how...

Joke: Extremely ugly woman walks into a store with her two kids

An extremely ugly woman walks into a store with her two kids. The man at the counter asks, "Are they twins?"

The woman says, "No, he's nine and she's seven." Then she says, "Why? Do you think they look alike?"

"No," he replies. "I just can't believe you got laid twice!"

Joke: Little Thelma wants to give Valentine to Osama bin Laden

Little Thelma comes home from first grade and tells her father that she wants to give a valentine to Osama bin Laden.

"Why Osama bin Laden?" her father asks in shock.

"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe he'll start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and then they sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place telling everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. "Thelma, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," Thelma says. "And once that gets him out in the open, the Marines can blow the shit out of him."

Joke: Two snakes are slithering around one day...

Two snakes are slithering around one day. One snake suddenly stops and turns to the other.

"Are we poisonous?" he asks.

"No, why?" replies the other.

The first snake says, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"

Joke: Three men asked about their funerals...

Three men were asked what they would want to be said about them at their funerals.

The first one said, “I want someone to say I was a wonderful father.”

The second man said, “I want someone to say I was the greatest baseball player ever.”

The last man said, "I want someone to say, ‘He’s moving, he’s moving!’”

Joke: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

Question: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

Answer: Ten little piggies, two calves, one ass, millions of hares, and a beaver.—

Joke: Two sperms are swimming...

Two sperms are swimming. One looks over at the other and says, "I'm exhausted! Are we almost there?"

The other sperm looks back at him and says, "Are you kidding? We just passed the esophagus!"