Jokes Archives

Joke: Ek ladki akeli jaa rahi thi...

Ek ladki akeli jaa rahi thi...

Ek ladka saamne se aa raha tha

Dono bilkul paas aa gaye

Ladka side ho gaya

Ladki chali gayi

MORAL: Har ladka kamina nahin hota

Joke: Aajkal Ke Ladke Ladkiya Sex Ke Liye Kitne Utavle Hai...

Aajkal Ke Ladke Ladkiya Sex Ke Liye Kitne Utavle Hai, Ye Baat Is Joke Se Pata Chalti Hai.

Ladki: Aao Chupan Chupai Khelte Hai

Ladka: Chalo Chupo, Mein Doondta Hoon

Ladki: Agar Tumne Mujhe Dhund Liya To Mein Poora Ander Longi?

Ladka: Agar Main Na Doond Saka Toh?

Ladki: Aisa Na Kaho Yaar, Mein Chhat Pe Chupi Houngi

Joke: A farmer walked into an attorneys office...

A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?”

The farmer said, “Yeah. I want to get one of those dee-vorces.”

The attorney asked, “Well, do you have any grounds?”

The farmer replied, “Yeah. I got about 140 acres.”

The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand. Do you have a case?”

The farmer said, “No, I don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.”

The attorney said, “No you don’t understand, I mean do you have a grudge?”

The farmer said, “Yeah, I got a grudge. That’s where I park my John Deere.”

The attorney said, “No, sir, I mean do you have a suit?”

The farmer said, “Yessir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.”

The exasperated attorney said, “Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?”

The farmer said, “No, sir, we both get up about 4:30.”

Finally, the attorney asked, “Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?”

And the farmer replied, “Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her!”

Joke: Mr Smith goes to the doctor...

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor’s office to collect his wife’s test results.

Receptionist: “I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your wife’s. Frankly, that’s either bad or terrible.”

Mr. Smith: “What do you mean?”

Receptionist: “Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS. We can’t tell which is your wife.”

Mr. Smith: “That's terrible! Can we take the test over?”

Receptionist: “Normally, yes. But you belong to an HMO, and they won’t pay for these expensive tests more than once.”

Mr. Smith: “Well, what am I supposed to do now?”

Receptionist: “The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don’t sleep with her.”

Joke: A policeman pulls a driver...

A policeman pulls a driver over for swerving on the highway and asks him to take a Breathalyzer test.

I can’t do that because I’m an asthmatic,” says the man. “The Breathalyzer could bring on an attack.”

So the cop suggests a urine sample.

“Can’t do it,” says the man. “I’m a diabetic, so my urine always has strange stuff in it.”

“Well,” says the angry cop, “why don’t you just get out of the car and walk this white line?”

“Sorry,” says the man, “but I can’t do that either.”

“Why not?” asks the officer.

“Because I’m drunk.”

Joke: Team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel...

A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David. It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old. The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols.

They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The President of the society pointed at the first drawing and said: “This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high elligence is the fish which means that if a famine had hit the earth, whereby the food didn’t grow, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.”

The audience applauded enthusiastically. But, a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said, “Idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left. It says: Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Woman!”

Joke: Before you criticize someone...

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

Joke: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style?

Question. Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style?

Answer. So they can both watch NASCAR.

Joke: The perfect Lions team

Coach Marty Mornhinweg had put together the perfect Lions team. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn’t find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Bosnia. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th-story window 200 yards away -- ka-boom! He threw another hand grenade into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away -- ka-blooey! Then a car passed, going 90 mph -- bulls-eye!

“I’ve got to get this guy!” Mornhinweg said to himself. “He has the perfect arm!”

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football, and the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl for the first time in history.

The young Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of football, and when Mornhinweg asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to call his mother. “Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” the old woman says. “You deserted us. You are not my son.”

“I don’t think you understand, Mother!” the young man pleads. “I just won the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”

“No, let me tell you,” the mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight.”

The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, “…I’ll never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!”

Joke: What is short for titfuck?

% secretly is short for titfuck. (Russian)