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Joke: Personality And BRA Size

Personality of a female follows the size of her BRA

30 = Innocent

32 = Calm

34 = Defensive

36 = Sexy

38 = Hot

40 = Aggressive

42 = Beyond Control

Joke: Police dog sniffing pussy

Police officers George and Mary, had been assigned to walk the beast.

They had only been out a short while when Mary said, "Damn, I was running late this morning after my workout and after I showered, I forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them."

George replied, "We don't have to go back, just give the K-9 unit, Fido, one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you."

It was a hot day and Mary didn't fell like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog.

Fido's nose shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting. After 10 seconds of sniffing, Fido's ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house.

Five minutes go by and no sign of Fido. Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen. Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry.

Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance. The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, followed by a dozen police cars, Fido rounds the corner with the Desk Sergeant's balls in his mouth.

Joke: Guy confessing to mother about being Gay

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.

He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you. I'm gay."

His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay, doesn't that mean that you put other men's penises in your mouth?"

He says nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, I do."

His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, and whacked him over the head with a frying pan and said, "Don't you dare complain about the taste of my cooking ever again!"

Joke: Guy subscribing to National Geographic and Playboy for same reason

Steve and Cliff are having this talk.

Steve says, "My wife lets me subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy for the same reason."

Cliff says, "Why?"

Steve says, "Because with both magazines, I get to see places I'll never get to visit."

Joke: Life is a gamble...

Life is a gamble,
Sex is a game,
Boys do the fucking,
Gals get the blame.

Joke: Midget hiring lesbian prostitute

Once there was a midget who was tired of not having a sex life, so he decided to change it. He took some of money from savings and went to find a prostitute. As he headed down Main Street, he approached several, all of them turned him down, claiming that they didn't do.

Finally he found a fat, lesbian prostitute dressed as a biker. He offered her the money. She almost said no but decided she needed the money. The went to a hotel. As they got on the bed the midget asks if he can take her from behind, she said sure, why not. Soon the prostitute is finding herself amazed at the midgets sexual abilities.

After orgasming several times, she yells "OH MY GOD! DOES IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!"

The midget says, "Oh baby, just wait til I put the other foot in."

Joke: Man getting his penis tattooed

A man went to the tattoo parlour and had the words "yes" and "no" tattooed on his penis. When he got home that night, he approached his wife in their bedroom. He stripped off his pants and shorts, revealing his aroused organ and its new tattoo.

"What do you think, honey?" he asked his wife.

Deliberately she said, "You tell me how to cook, you tell me how to clean the house, you tell me how to do the laundry... and now you're going to put words in my mouth?"

Joke: Cargo plane hijacked in mid flight

A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door burst open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and stewardess. He held a gun to the pilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill your brains all over the place.The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and says, "Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."

The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place."

The copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, Listen to me. The pilot's got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."

The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then held the gun to the navigator's head and repeated, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place."

The navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. Those other two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldn't find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Iraq. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."

The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to the stewardess's head and demanded, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HER brains all over the place."

No one says a word, but the stewardess leaned over and whispered something into the hijacker's ear. He turned beet red, dropped his gun, and ran out of the cockpit in a panic. The crew tracked down the hijacker, who was found cowering behind some crates in the hold, and tied him up.

The pilot then asked the stewardess what she said that terrified the man so. "I told him, sir," she replied, "that if he killed me, he'd be the one who'd have to give you guys your blowjobs."

Joke: Practising sex only with eyes

A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. "Young lady," the doctor began, "you're pregnant."

"But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes."

"Well my dear," said the doctor, "someone in that colony is cockeyed."

Joke: Mortican carrying long penis of dead body in briefcase

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated.

As he examined the body of Mr. Schwan, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Schwan had the longest penis he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwan," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's thing.......

The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.

"Oh my god!" she screamed, "Schwan is dead!"




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