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Joke: Indian girl married a Spanish and went to Spain...

An Indian girl married a Spanish and went to Spain.

As he can't speak Spanish. Each time she wanted to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt & shows her thighs to enable the seller understand her.

This went on for sometime, one day she wanted to buy banana.

She took her husband to the shop... (don't laugh... you perverts...)

Because her husband can speak Spanish and could ask for banana in Spanish.

Joke: Health Conscious Wife!

An elderly couple died in a car crash. She was 82 and he was 87 years old. While alive, the wife had always been very health conscious regarding what they ate.

When they arrived at heaven they were shown to a luxurious accommodation. There was a garden and a professional standard golf course. At the far side of the golf course was the Club house serving free food and drinks 24 hours a day. The club also accommodated satellite TV, snooker tables and cabaret entertainment. A short stroll from the club house was a never-ending golden beach which was always well attended by lovely bronzed naked women.

The man turned to his wife and said, "You dozy cow... if it wasn't for you and your bloody health food I could have been here 20 years ago!"

Joke: A Jealous Husband

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it.

Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them laughing in the park.

He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub.

He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.

"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.

The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"

The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"

Joke: Guy finding wife with another man in marital bed

The mother-in-law arrives home from the mall to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

"What happened ?" she asks anxiously.

"What happened! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my business trip. I get home, and guess what I found?

Yes, your daughter, my wife, with a guy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"

"Calm down, calm down!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. My daughter would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."

Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.

"I told you there must be a simple explanation..... she didn't receive your E-mail!"

Joke: Communication Gap!

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"

Joke: A letter from a guy to Agony Aunt

A letter from a guy to Agony Aunt:

Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home.

It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer ???

Joke: Dinner Date

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."

Joke: Getting Married!

A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form.

The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease.

When they came to the question, "Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?"

There was a long pause. Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said, "Put down 'Yes.'"

Joke: Bikinis and Swimsuits

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.

Joke: Gods Help!

A guy is walking along when suddenly he got his foot caught stuck in some railroad tracks. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck in there well. He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming.

He panicked and started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop drinking!"

Nothing happened, it was still stuck, and the train was getting closer!

He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop drinking AND cussing!"

Still nothing..... and the train was just seconds away!

He tried it one more time, "God please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit drinking, cussing, smoking and having sex with all the women I meet."

Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he was able to dive out of the way, just as the train passed!

He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said, "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself."




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