Main

Jokes Archives



Joke: Pretty blonde woman threesome sex with Jed and Luke

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with her car.

Luckily, this happens to be near a farmhouse.

She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door.

When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, its Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?"

"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin with my sons, Jed and Luke." She looks through the screen door and sees two husky young men standing behind the farmer.

She judges them to be in their early twenties.

"Okay," she says.

After they have gone to bed for the night, the woman begins to get a little excited thinking about the two husky boys in the room next to her.

So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?" They say, "Huh?" She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these." She puts condoms on the boys and the three of them make love all night long.

Forty years later, Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth.

Jed says, "Luke? You remember that blond woman that came by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?" "Yeah," says Luke, "I remember." "Well, do you care any more if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed. "Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not." "Me, neither," says Jed, "Let's take these things off."

Joke: Minister Priest and a Rabbi on a hike...

A Minister, a Priest and a Rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.

Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom."

As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.

After the ladies left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.

The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in my congregation, it's my face they would recognize."

Joke: 3 men and a ravishing girl in a train compartment

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.

Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1, I will show you my legs."

The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs.

Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10, I will show you my thighs"

And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her undies. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit hot and excited, have all taken off their coats.

Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."

Naturally, all three fork over the money, and then the girl turns to the window and points to a hospital in the distance and says, "There!"

Joke: Two old virgin maid sisters

There were two old-maid sisters ... both virgins.

It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin... I'm going out and I'm not coming home until I've been laid!"

Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you."

10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock...12 o'clock... Finally about 15 after 1 the front door flies open. In runs Gladys ... straight to the bathroom.

Betty goes and knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys?" No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself. "What is it, Gladys??? What's wrong?" asks Betty.

"Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in ... and 5 inches when it came out. When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!!

Joke: Three men in front of God talking about sex life

Three men who died the same day were presented before God. The almighty showed particular interest in their sex life.

The first one replied that he never had an affair before or after he was married. God granted him a chauffeur-driven Cadillac.

The second man admitted he had some affairs before he was married but none afterwards. God gave him an Ambassador car.

The third man confessed to having had lots of affairs. God gave him a scooter.

A few days later the man with the scooter saw the fellow with the chauffeur-driven Cadillac sitting by the roadside and crying. The scooterist asked him why was he upset.

Replied the Cadillac owner, "I've just seen my wife ride past on a bicycle."

Joke: Kid sees two dogs humping in the back garden

A little kid of 6 sees two dogs humping in the back garden of his house.

"Dad, what are those two dogs doing?" He enquires.

His dad fumbles with a lame explanation. "Well, the doggie on the back has broken his front legs and the other dogies giving him a lift."

The kid looks for a second and replies "Typical that. Try to help someone out and you end up getting fucked in the arse."

Joke: Soldiers enjoying Striptease

The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy territory. To entertain them, the Major called for this sexy dancer from the nearby town.

She came, danced and when the first dance was done, the soldiers went mad. They clapped for 5 minutes.

For her second number, she stripped and danced in sheer bra and G-string. This time the applause went for 10 minutes.

The next number she danced topless, and this time the applause went on and on. The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quiet down for the grand finale.

For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked. The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roof down. But ten minutes later, there is no clapping and the dancer comes backstage.

The Major asks her, "What happened? How come there was no clapping this time?"

She replied with a wicked smile, "Major, how do you expect those poor boys to clap with one hand?"

Joke: Elderly Sex Life

An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, "Oh oh!"

The man asked the doctor, "What's the problem?"

"Well," said the doc, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?"

"No," replied the man.

"Do you drink in excess?"

"No." replied the man.

"Do you have a sex life?"

"Yes, I do!"

"Well," said the doc, "I'm afraid with this heart murmur, you'll have to give up half your sex life.

"Looking perplexed, the old man said, "Which half - the looking or the thinking?"

Joke: A young pretty female school teacher in class...

A young pretty female school teacher had been telling her class about the value of being observant and said, "Now children, look at the clock, what does the clock have that I have too?"

One little girl stood up and said, "It has a face."

Another girl raised her hand and said, "It has hands."

"Splendid," said the teacher, "now what has the clock that I haven't got?"

After a long silence, Little Johnny rose and said, "You ain't got no pendulum, Miss."

Joke: Fat Head

A husband, wife and a son walk into an ice-cream shop. The dad says, "I'll have a chocolate." The wife says, "I'll have a vanilla."

Then the dad slaps his son in the back of the head and says, "What do you want, fat head?"

The lady helping them says, "Why did you hit him in the back of the head and call him fat head?"

The husband says, "There are three things in life a man wants:

The first thing is a nice big truck. And you see that nice big truck sitting out there??? That's my nice truck!!!

The second thing in life a man wants is a nice big house. You seen that nice big house on top of the hill on the edge of town? That's my big house!!!

The third thing in life a man wants is a nice tight pussy, and I had that until fat head came along!!!"




Archives


OLD ARCHIVES
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005