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Joke: A doctor and his wife were sunbathing on a beach when...

A doctor and his wife were sunbathing on a beach when a well-endowed, beautiful, young, blonde woman in a tight-fitting bikini strolled passed.
The woman looked at the doctor, smiled seductively, and said in a very sexy voice, "Hi there handsome. How are you doing?" before wiggling her backside and walking off.
"Who was that?!" demanded the doctor's wife.
"Err - just a woman I met professionally," replied the doctor.
"Oh yeah?!" snarled his wife, "in whose profession? Yours, or hers?!"

Joke: Guy calling fiancee to break off their engagement

John finally found the nerve to tell his fiancee that he had to break off their engagement so he could marry another woman.
"Can she cook like I can?" the distraught woman asked between sobs.
"Not on her best day," he replied.
"Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?" she asked.
"No, she's broke," he said.
"Well, then, is it sex?" she inquired.
"Nobody does it like you, babe!" he replied.
"Then what can she do that I can't?" the woman tearfully asked.
"Sue me for child support!!"

Joke: Guy celebrating wife running away with best friend

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.

"Andy," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"

Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."

He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.

"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"

The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"

Joke: Perfect Example Of True Love!

Brian came into his wife's room one day. "If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me?" he asked her.

"Darling, I'll always love you," she said calmly, filing her nails.

"How about if I became crippled and couldn't make love to you any more?" Brian asked nervously.

"Don't worry, darling, I'll always love you," she told him, buffing her nails.

"Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?" Brian went on, "if I weren't pulling in six figures any more. Would you still love me then?"

The wife looked over at her husband's worried face. "Frank, I'll always love you," she reassured him, "but most of all, I'll really miss you."

Joke: She undressed in the living room...

A woman who plays cards once a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke her husband when she came home around 11:30 PM.

One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.

"Now, what?!!"' he exclaimed. "Did you lose everything?"

Joke: Silver Jubilee Anniversary

On their way home, after celebrating their 25th anniversary, the wife thanks her husband for a wonderful evening.

"Oh, it's not over yet." He said.

Once home, he gives her a little black velvet box. She opens it in anticipation and inside are two small tablets.

She asked, "But what are these two little pills?"

"Aspirin." The man replied.

"But, I don't have a headache." She said.

"There you go, I told you the evening wasn't over yet!" he snidely said.

Joke: An artist specializing in nudes

There was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.

As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work.

He told her not to bother, as he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He told her that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed.

The model said, "Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do."

He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps.

"Oh my God!" he whispered loudly, "It's my wife, Quick! Take all your clothes off."

Joke: Freaking Jinx

A man was walking across the road when he had an accident. The impact was on his head, which caused him to be comatose for two days before he finally regained consciousness. When he opened his eyes, his wife was there beside him.

He held her hands and said meaningfully: "You have always been by my side. When I was a struggling University student, I failed again and again. And sometimes, even my re-papers as well. You were there beside me, encouraging me to go on trying..."

She squeezed his hands as he continued: "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside me, cutting out more adverts for me to apply...."

He continued: "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. And you were there beside me."

"Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some time. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised. As such, I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now... And you were still beside me... "

Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband: "And now I had an accident and when I woke up, you are here beside me...There's something I'd really like to say to you..."

She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband, sobbing with emotion. He said, "You're a freaking jinx!"

Joke: Guy feeling as if married to a Nun

Not long after his marriage, Joe and his father, met for lunch. "Well, son," asked the father, "how is married life treating you?"

"Not very well, I'm afraid," sighed Joe. "It seems I married a nun."

"A nun?" his father questioned.

"That's right," moaned Joe. "None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!"

Joe's father nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times.

"Why don't we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?"

Joe smiled, "Say, Dad, that's a great idea!"

"Fine," replied the father, "I'll call home and tell the Mother Superior to set two extra plates."

Joke: Italian Girl!

A woman goes to Italy to attend a two week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers, "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

The husband laughs and says, "An Italian girl!!!"

The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks, "So, honey, how the trip was?"

"Very good, thank you."

"And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" She asked.

"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!" "Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl!!!"




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