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Jokes Archives



Joke: Difference between a one night stand and a washing machine?

What's the difference between a one night stand and a washing machine? The washing machine won't call you everyday for a week after you put a load in it.

Joke: Commercials for erectile dysfunction drugs

So, you've all probably seen these commercials for the erectile dysfunction drugs. They say a possible side effect could be an erection lasting for four hours, and if that happens, call your doctor. I say, "Hey buddy, if that happens, don't call your doctor, call me!"

Joke: In a circle of lesbians...

In a circle of lesbians, how can you tell which one is the toughest and roughest?

She's the one who rolls her own tampons and kick-starts her vibrator.

Joke: I am not calling you a slut...

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Joke: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a vacuum?

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a vacuum?

A cocksucker.

Joke: Two women are discussing life in the retirement village...

Two women are discussing life in the retirement village they live in with their spouses and how they like it. One woman tells the other that she misses sex though to which the other replies that her and her hubby still have sex whenever she wants. The first woman asks how and the second woman says every so often when he's in the bathroom getting ready for bed she gets naked and lays on the bed holding her legs up in the air so when he comes out he can't help but have sex with her. The first woman decides to try this a couple of weeks later. Her husband is in the bathroom getting ready for bed so she gets naked, lays down and struggles to get one leg up and then the other as she's holding them shakily. Her husband comes out and exclaims, "Good Lord woman, put in your teeth and brush your hair....you're starting to look like an asshole!"

Joke: Whats the difference between a voyeur and a thief?

What's the difference between a voyeur and a thief?

A thief snatches your watch.

Joke: How do you turn a cat into a fish?

How do you turn a cat into a fish?

Tell the woman not to wash down there.

Joke: Three boys were discussing their fathers favorite foods...

Three boys were discussing their fathers' favorite foods.
The first kid said his father loves to eat burgers.
The second boy said his father loves KFC.
The third boy said his father loves to eat light.
The other two boys questioned how his father does that.
The third boy replied, "Every night I hear my daddy tell mommy to turn off the light so he can eat it."

Joke: Why did the farmer cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the farmer cross the road? To get his dick out of the chicken!




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