A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.

Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.

After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how was it?”

The woman says, “You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf.”

For a change the Sardar is at the giving end in this awesome joke sent in by BH:

A Sardar went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn’t like Sardars.

The game warden ordered the Sardar to show his hunting license, and the Sardar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from Ontario.This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin’ license,boy?”

The Sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said “This ain’t no Quebec duck.

This duck’s from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?”

The sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Manitoba duck. This here duck’s from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia huntin’ license?”

Again the Sardar reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license.

The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Sardar “Just where the hell are you from?”

The Sardar smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, “You tell me, you’re the expert.”

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Dont move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend youre a statue.”

“Whats this, honey?” the husband inquired as he entered the room. “Oh, its just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

“Here,” he said to the statue, “eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.”

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, “It’s the druggist. He insulted me terribly on the phone this morning. I had to call several times before he would even answer the phone.”

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could get 3 words out, the druggist interrupted him: “Now, just a minute! Listen to my side of the story. This morning, the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I left without eating breakfast and hurried out to the car, only to realize that I had locked the house with both house and car keys still inside. So I had to break a bedroom window and crawl inside to get my keys.

Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store, a mob of people were waiting for me to open. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the while, the damn phone was ringing off the hook.

Then, I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up them up, and the phone was still ringing. When I stood up, I cracked my head open on the cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase full of perfume bottles. Nearly half of them hit the floor and broke.

Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and when I finally staggered back to answer it, it was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!”

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”

The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”

As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”

Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. “Get out” and “I never want to see you again” might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, “I love you… I want to marry you… I want to have your children.” Sometimes they leave skid marks.

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.

Three stunning jokes sent in by SF:

“Tendulkar” Having Sex With “Malika”
Malika: Tumhari LuLi par tu AIDS Likha Hai;
Tendulker: MAA ki LORI KHARA tu hone de ADIDAS likha hai
—–

MADAM said to a naughty boy!
Jab main sakht hoti hon to bohat sakht, naram hoti hon to bohat naram,
Naughty boy said Madam aap to bilkul meri LULLI Jaisee ho!!!!!!
—–

Girl to Doctor: My mobile got stuck in my vagina since last 4 days in vibration mode.
Doctor: OK, I will remove this easily.
Girl: Just recharge the battery.