Sex Advice: Ashamed of sex with a committed man!
Q. About six months ago, I began a sexual relationship with a man who told me he was unhappy with his girlfriend of four years and decided to leave her. They had a very serious and committed relationship. He soon realized that he had made a mistake and returned to being with her. So of course we stopped seeing each other out of respect for her and did not talk either. A few weeks after his return, he called me and from the past few months we have not had an innocent phone based friendship that his girl does not know about. I don’t know why I can’t just stop talking with him! I feel so bad, but it gets worse. Last night I was talking to him and he said he missed me and wanted to see me, so I met up with him and we had sex. I knew it was wrong, but did not feel bad at the time. Now today I feel beyond horrible for my actions and I even have a feeling that she knows. I have never met her, but I have totally betrayed another woman and that is against all of my morals. Even if she doesn’t know and never finds out, the guilt that I feel will eat me up. I know that I need to stop this right here and now, but knowing and doing is different. I am not in love with him and I know I will never be with him but I have in fact become very attached to this man, my friend. I will miss our conversations and relationship so much. I do know the difference between right and wrong. But I do not know how to move on and do the RIGHT thing. If their relationship ends because of this I will never forgive myself! Guide me.
Anny
Reply From Dr. Prem Lata Chawla:
Guilt and shame are as ephemeral in a casual relationship as the relationship itself. Why bother with such noble sentiments? It is not you but the guy who is cheating his girlfriend of four years. You probably are just a side-kick for him and nothing prevents you from continuing the game for as long as you want without getting sentimental about it. It certainly is not a kind of relationship, which would eventually lead to marriage. The guy might end up by marrying his girlfriend.
peter said,
October 21, 2006 @ 8:44 pm
Well the best thing u can do is find some another guy because he will help u getting out of it as it is much difficult to come out of this by urself specially when u r attached to someone.
My suggestion is u find a nice guy stick to him and u wont get time to answer the first guy and u will be disconnected.one more thing dont feel bad for the first guy he is cheating his girlfriend and mind u, u never know how many girlfriends he have and how many he is bedding.
so just give it a try
San said,
October 21, 2006 @ 10:26 pm
Anny! u r not in live with him, u think about morals right, if u really think abr morals ur love wud have been towards an uncommitted fella. its only infactuation, and from that guy u r only a relaxation tool. Stop thinking abt him and understand there are lot of other good going guys around if u want to get serious relation. Dont worry that u had sex with him, its quite natural thing physically,, just try to avoid him and come out of that circle first.
Cheers
San said,
October 21, 2006 @ 10:27 pm
Anny! u r not in love with him, u think about morals right, if u really think abt morals ur love wud have been towards an uncommitted fella. its only infactuation, and from that guy u r only a relaxation tool. Stop thinking abt him and understand there are lot of other good going guys around if u want to get serious relation. Dont worry that u had sex with him, its quite natural thing physically,, just try to avoid him and come out of that circle first.
Cheers
Dr Vinky said,
October 22, 2006 @ 2:09 am
The girl in question uses the man for her sexual satisfaction and then complains or regrets that she feels bad.Her sexual hunger is so much she gives way for the man .She could have said a firm no for sex,but she didnt,and precisely thats the point I want to make.However the man is also guilty for using her for casual sex.If he is really fond of her he should leave his old girlfriend and marry this girl. Dr Vinky
ROHIT........... said,
October 22, 2006 @ 11:07 am
I THINK ITZ TOTALLY IMMORAL AND UNETHICAL BASED RELATION WHERE ONE XLOITS ANOTHER IN A EMOTINAL ATTACHMENT.IN THIS CASE BOTH ARE EQUALLY RESPONSIBLE.BECAUSE THEY HAVE GIVEN LOVE THE NAME DESIRE.THE ONLY SOLUTION IZ FOR BOTH OF THEM TO REINVENT THEIR LOVE AND THE GUY SHOULD MOVE AWAY FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND .THIS WILL SAVE THE THREE….
Woodoohoo said,
October 22, 2006 @ 1:20 pm
Dear Anny !
He wanted to have a nice time with you so he spun teh story and had you and now when he saw u are not demanding anything serious like Marriage or something he so he is having you whenever he feel like changing the taste of his mouth.
You betetr hush up this guy immediately or ask him to have a serious relationship with you. You wil soon see he will himself run away.
tc
sid said,
October 22, 2006 @ 3:55 pm
come out of it anne he is just using u..giv me ur no. i think i will be better for u..
i promise i’ll make u forget him in no time
MIke said,
October 24, 2006 @ 7:54 am
U know something ..i also went through a similar kind of situation & i know how exactly u feel ..but beleive me ..time heals everything ..just try to avoid him & slowly & steadily ..u will get out of this ..just the way i did .
shanky said,
October 27, 2006 @ 6:18 pm
hey Ann’s, just do wat u feel is rite… u can have relationship with this man, or quit him n look forward…. its all in ur hands… wat ever u do do it with full confidence and dont ever look back!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr SINGH said,
October 31, 2006 @ 10:15 pm
oi bitch go and fuck around i need a shag to you sort it out slag al pay you to hore. a bitches like you fuck every one up and put bull shit in other peoples relationships go and fuck a horse bitch
Neo said,
November 11, 2006 @ 2:59 pm
I think Mr. Singh mom is a whore! Do you even care that she is a girl first, you egoistic brat! Now do you feel how much it hurst when i say about your mom. I take back my words, for I have the curtesy to respect women.
Dear Anny, If you read through all these advices (except Mr.Singh fucker), you will agree that you don’t have to feel guilty about this. I’m not sure whether you are reading this or not, but it will be useful for someone like you.. Take the case of Mike: he replied back with an advice that he experienced. Looking back is never a good thing, especially if it is negative to the life one leads, we have limited time to live and we need to worry about that. I have to stress only on this point, because, all other advices have already been covered by others.
PS: Even though I’m not a doctor, I can understand the psychology of people, for I’m a human too — not an Alien.
Neo
CrackHead said,
November 12, 2006 @ 11:11 pm
Hey girl cant you control your sexual urges knowing that he uses you. That guy himself who is using you is a shit eating faggot. It seems you are ugly looking thats why you cannot find other loser.
Neo sucks cocks of his dogs and juices them, shit-head ass hole.
CrackHead said,
November 12, 2006 @ 11:14 pm
B T W why don’t you ask Dr. Prem Lath Chawla to take your position for that guy when you retire.
sana said,
December 2, 2006 @ 8:01 pm
mae hoon na darling annie…i am a lesbo…i can fully satisfy u…come and meet me..