30 things you learn from Porn videos

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70s couldn’t fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.

14. Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they cum.

15. If there are two of them they “high five” each other. (and the girl isn’t disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don’t exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won’t bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend’s mouth.

19. There’s a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses love to suck patient’s cocks.

22. Men always pull out and masturbate at the end.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before joining in and fucking the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches… or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man’s cock, it’s important for him to keep reminding her to “suck it”.

26. Assholes are always clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman’s butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don’t have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.

Things you learn from Indian porn videos

1. You can have sex with your clothes on!

2. You can cum by just rubbing your body.

3. Sex happens only in South India (especially Kerala) considering the fact that you hardly see any North Indian babe in desi porn flicks.

Can you think of more observations that you may had by seeing desi porn flicks? Please post them in the comments. Let’s see how good you are at this. ;)

Comments

  1. dix said,

    October 11, 2006 @ 5:32 pm

    1. sex always happen in dreams in indian porn.
    2. sex never happens between husband and wife, infact it always happens with someone else (but offcourse in dreams).

  2. babu said,

    October 11, 2006 @ 5:53 pm

    Asian men don’t exist. —- most funny 2 me

  3. madhu said,

    October 11, 2006 @ 7:23 pm

    90% of indian men preafer xx vedios rather then xxx vedios …..do knwo y this happnes once go to any vedio shop and wait for 10 minets and see 90% uncles ,aunts, collage students , they say indian but wants cloths on there body ….they say aaaa dont gievt hat direct attack movies

  4. Mary said,

    October 11, 2006 @ 8:00 pm

    In Indian porn movies, Women hide their faces and laugh while being fucked.

  5. rk said,

    October 11, 2006 @ 8:14 pm

    1.In india even in dreams they dont forget to put on a fast music while having sex……(probably not to let any one hear their moans)

  6. Krishna said,

    October 11, 2006 @ 10:04 pm

    They are all ugly-looking street-walking whores.
    The pace is too slow so that they can fill up an entire VCD.
    There is always popular music, but no actual moans and other background voices.
    Always indoors.
    Unshaven and unclean genitals.
    Sometimes, the faces are deliberately masked, and only the bodies are showed.
    They just provide a deviation when you are sick from watching FBI-approved porn videos. You watch them once, and then you always come back for the best.

  7. sandy said,

    October 11, 2006 @ 11:33 pm

    Sex happens only in south.. the most frustating part..
    north indian girls..especially from delhi.. are really much more cute and sexier than southy anties..
    why we dont have more of north indian girls in porn industry..?

  8. harry said,

    October 11, 2006 @ 11:46 pm

    Mallu SEX is limited upto….uuuhhhhhh…..aaaaaaahhhhhh……..fondling n forepalys only whereas our delhi gals vene dont take a second secend to glup the dripong cocks deep in their throat…..

  9. ranjith said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 12:42 am

    1. sex happens among ugly peoples
    2. dick is mostly shaggy and unerect
    3. both of them drink liquour
    4. camera is not good and mostly foccused towards the back and fucking scene is never covered fully
    5. most of persons in video can be conferred with V.D or AIDS just by their appearence and without aid of any tests
    6. fucking scene is accompanied by a bathroom scene
    7. the gal is mostly disfigured and more than 30 years
    8. It reminds us pigs crawling over each other
    9.But its still tempting than europen counter part
    10 there is no dialogue. Mostly a guy appears suddenly and the picture ends at any moment
    11. sex is mostly missionary position.
    12. The cock never enters the pussy
    13. the gal never screems and most of the time she is like a body in mortuary
    14. no one had ever seen a climax scene or orgasm
    15. camera man? is he there
    16. location is mostly a awkward bedroom and bathroom
    17. most of the time guys get belly as bonus to boobs
    18. background music is mostly a old hindi song in hindi blue film and be dubbed easily into any regional language my just replacing the songs.
    19. Most of the title starts with “Jawani”
    20 if its a soft core film the Saab fucks kaam vaali and memsaab fucks kaam vaala. but they dont have a satisfactorys sex within them.
    21. Last but not least sex in desi is nothing but smelling the entire gals body with nose from legs to forehead like a dog.
    22. much more things are there but i have to see another jawani film, bye

  10. chuma_chuma said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 1:28 am

    Oah yeah ! thats it buddy, u said it.

  11. sxblogger said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 1:35 am

    1.men have to be half the bodyweight of the women.
    2.in shower scene - women are more interested in shower ONLY
    3.Indian women dont like / know to kiss.

  12. Anonymous said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 2:16 am

    in south indian (kerala) sex only with (.)(.) not with ) (

  13. thereforyou said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 2:17 am

    in indian flicks
    1. women are either fat or slim and ugly
    2. the film has no sound / or a story line
    3. there’s no anal sex
    4.fortunate enough to see the whole view

  14. rash said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 2:46 am

    Indian women have baths without strippin their clothes.

  15. InivsibleNobleMan said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 6:36 am

    But, we can find blowjob, sucking, anal, cumshot when a english fuck an indian gal. Haha hahahahahahahahahahaha girls are shy when the man is Indian

  16. militia said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 7:22 am

    here are few which i have observed over the years

    1. the babes are so big that you can make a ten men tent just using their bra.
    2. the mallu hero always has a velcro like moustache.
    3. bath scenes are generally a babe bathing with a bucket and a mug which truely shows the scarcity of water in southern cities.
    4. if the heroes had it they will surely uproot the boobs. somebody please tell them that these things can be fondled also.

  17. Indiporn said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 10:05 am

    it is wrong to say that mallu porn is the only porn industry in india… actually if you visit any video shop, you can find lots of “jawani”"bewafa” names that have north gals… certaily the north gals are liked over mallu/south as they as cuter and more hence more attractive… thats why (even in U films) most failed hindi/bolly actress make it big in south -where the hero maybe a 120 kg man, but heroine is an attractive gal (the galz that you won’t get in south even after centuries of evolution!)…

    What mallu film has done is populairze the concept of soft porn.

  18. notsosicko said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 10:59 am

    militia’s comments was the funniest

  19. Anonymous said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 11:01 am

    Things you learn from Indian porn videos:
    Some from my side:
    1. Most of the time you see the ass of the man rather than the pussy of the girl. You wait and wait and wait to the woman.
    2. Only in Indian Porn you see the girl asking the director/cameraman/whatever, Is it OK or do I turn and slide?
    3. Half the time is lost in seeing the man trying to open the legs of the woman and she keeps on closing them.
    4. The moment the panty is taken off, girl turns to the other side.
    5. Dancing is one of the most important ingredient of the Indian porn movie.
    6. Towl dancing is favourite.
    7. Whenever the guy brings his lips to the girl’s lips, gils has to compulsorily evade the marching lips.
    8. Rubbing the bodies together is more important than having sex.
    9. No indian girl has ever heard of a dildo, they usually are satisfied with brinjal, candles etc.
    10. The actors generally look like they are going to be fed after months of starvation, but and only but after getting the scene completed.

  20. xtreme said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 12:02 pm

    In Indian porn
    1. no girls only women.
    2. no men only hairy bears.
    3. pussy has nothing to do with sex.
    4. tube lights in the room are all turned off, indians cant have sex in the light.
    5. nobody read the kamasutra. (the director and the actors)
    6. the actresess always seem to be ashamed of being fucked (if you call that a fuck) by the guy.

  21. Raj said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 12:09 pm

    Ranjit is too good, you are just right man

  22. Crazyfrog said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 1:12 pm

    Ranjit,ur comments were far funnier than the article itself…
    Man,have u done Phd in Indian porno??

  23. Moi said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 1:35 pm

    yep its all true

  24. Another Who Knows said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 1:56 pm

    In Indian movies -

    A man tries to rape a woman’s face

    The girl can be nude with her lover and 50 wannabe’s but her duppatta removal alone constitutes as rape when the hero returns

    they can prance around in their innerwear with an number of people in presence, but will not kiss the hero before marriage ( of course the husband can be changed)

    In Porn:

    Hero shakes head too fast, its a rape, too slow, then it might be love

    Girl hates it, hero screws it up

    the uglier the better

    ooops I’m here, I cum and gone

    Foreplay always happens in dreams or with violence

    Women do NOT open their legs during…

    Only a drunk gets to do it

    Navel has to be a well, rest of flab should be sufficient to feed the zoo, to qualify

    The uglier you are, the more movies you get

    The fatter you are, the thinner your lovers are

    Last……

    Dont you dare let them blow you (unless they are professionals), you might not be able to pee later

  25. raj said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 1:57 pm

    They are the biggest turn offs! None of the Mallu porn actors can be taken as stars. Our Hindi film songs are more provocative!

  26. AFzal said,

    October 12, 2006 @ 11:32 pm

    Men repeatedly smell the feet and neck (rather than kiss) of the woman…. absurd

  27. dildo girl said,

    October 13, 2006 @ 3:23 am

    i wanna fuck ranjit..pls hlp..

  28. freak said,

    October 13, 2006 @ 11:38 am

    south indiansex is full of black pussy
    men hate to lick those dirty pussy
    though the dick is black women love to suck it

  29. dick head said,

    October 13, 2006 @ 12:39 pm

    tummy is compulsary for both

  30. suku said,

    October 13, 2006 @ 8:25 pm

    excellent

  31. b(.)(.)bs said,

    October 14, 2006 @ 2:18 am

    man :) i had a hearty laff… i forgot i was ona porn site :D

  32. Spyder said,

    October 14, 2006 @ 8:39 am

    1. All women must wear multiple layers of clothes
    2. All women MUST be in a sari and petticoat+panties underneath since this helps viewers see the pussy better
    3. All women must look like whores
    4. Women must necessarily make lewd gestures which would turn off any normal guy watching
    5. All “heroes” need to move across the woman’s body at a VERY FAST PACE, and never near any VITAL parts. Speed is of the essence during foreplay.
    6. The guy always has to make jerky moves on the woman, as if he was shaking mangoes off a tree. Softness and slow movement are lost.
    7. All women must bathe with clothes after sex. These must be white in colour.
    8. The guy spends loads of time exploring the neck and abdomen.
    9. Its as if hand contact with genitals and boobs is prohibited.
    10. Women with long hair need to let is loose so that everything is covered.
    11. Bedsheets are always in abundant supply.
    12. Viewers are very interested in seeing shuffling under badly coloured bedsheets since it helps arouse their curiosity and the director thinks this is sexy/erotic.
    13. Bathrooms always have white tiles.
    14. No one cums ever.. atleast i havent seen it.
    15. Women are ticklish and bite lips to stop them from giggling.
    16. Any form of make up is prohibited.
    17. Sexy underwear is not sold anywhere in the south.
    18. A woman’s panties must be the same size as the guy’s shorts. This apparently helps in great sex.

  33. baba said,

    October 14, 2006 @ 10:17 am

    Looking at southern porn makes one feel as if these movies are made to bring decline or repulsive thought in our mind against desi porn movies. Large tummies so much so that from the begining till the end of movie you wont realise where the pussy was in the folds…. bath seen is must with panty and bra …. it would be better if they just start looking at amateur stuff sent on debonair so that they could learn a few tricks of this art.

  34. Juicy said,

    October 14, 2006 @ 11:54 am

    Hello,

    I dont know, whether this Observation was done or not..

    the biggest or universal law of Porn says,

    YOU NEVER CUM INSIDE..

    Have you seen any porn whether they CUM INSIDE?

    ALWAYS PULL OUT…

    regards
    Juicy

  35. xdev said,

    October 14, 2006 @ 2:05 pm

    Man… this is the most hillarious page I’ve ever seen. All the comments are outstanding. I too forgot that I am on a porn site. All the comments are truely, madly hallarious. Keep posting buddies.

  36. freebyheart said,

    October 15, 2006 @ 3:58 am

    excellent…. comments.. dude….. i liked ranjit’s comments and spyder’s comments…. hilarious… ones…

  37. kamagni said,

    October 15, 2006 @ 5:46 am

    for all hero-heroins, there will b a parellel servant n maid story…..

    all cocks enter as if a mosquito goes in red fort, though they sag…!

    super comedy happens when it is lesbian mallu film…..

    the only facility of our films are, even if a nun in delhi and a saint in mysore can fuck, for somebody’s dream……….

  38. Vipul said,

    October 15, 2006 @ 12:03 pm

    Well, I don’t know there were so many persons who share the same thought as mine about mallu videos. Keep posting guys….

    Still laughing…. Great…

  39. ruby said,

    October 16, 2006 @ 12:16 am

    that is all too good really. one thing seems to be forgotten by all. that is:
    ITS OK FOR GIRLS TO SUCK VIGOROUSLY (IN ORDER TO MAKE THE GUY CUM) THE COCK WHICH WAS PREVIOUSLY IN THEIR PUSSIES & ASSES.

  40. ipsita bimit said,

    October 17, 2006 @ 4:25 am

    i love rape seens. but they more of made up seens then real. one should try to make it real by really tearing up the clothes rather than taking them out.

  41. Roya_tiger said,

    October 18, 2006 @ 2:38 pm

    spyder gr8 jpb done

  42. Craig said,

    October 21, 2006 @ 1:10 pm

    Porn proves the animal in each one of us ( not to sound derogatory but clinical)… as in most other human endeavors the west does it better.

    But i like bith western and desi ( Non MAl) porn.

    Keep at is bhaion aur behano..

  43. Sonia from north said,

    October 21, 2006 @ 4:15 pm

    1. Northies never learn from south to be pleasent and expressive
    2. North girls like more of sharuk and fuck an ugly man or become object for white cock.
    3. They all Look like street woman or anorexic
    4. Youngs doesnt have guts to be in front of film
    5. Title comes under buchans name

  44. sonia from north said,

    October 21, 2006 @ 4:20 pm

    Northies never learn to be intelligent, soft and pleasant from south porn actress.

  45. bradyrocks247 said,

    November 6, 2006 @ 3:37 am

    U will also notice these thngs
    1.There will be a lot of hair surrounding the man’s penis and her clit.
    2.He will be looking to lick her clit but will be licking her hair coz he will not be able to find it.
    3.Even though he licks her hair she will be screaming.

  46. sony said,

    November 8, 2006 @ 4:35 pm

    I’m agree with juicy’s comment. We shouldn’t cum inside.

  47. rohan said,

    November 11, 2006 @ 2:26 am

    just great research and lots of humour. good

  48. xbox said,

    November 12, 2006 @ 1:37 pm

    I read all comments on this topic .. its true indian xxx are not good…and United States are much more ahead from India….but think about it …how long was xxx started to make in India..its hardly 10yrs 15yrs..may be 20yrs back…in Unitedstate i think its started on 1920..i have one xxx its made in 1920…i think thats before Charly Chaplin movies…if u see that xxx u will think indian xxx much better than that…all females looked like prost .No Story line..big hairy pussy…loose cock…only difference between us and them is about color dark and fair…well south indian girls are dark but what abt north indian girls…they are fair…good looking…sweet..if one of north girl dares for porn movies and make good indian xxx for us…do u people think she would be able to live in india…i guess not…well bad looks nobody cares but when come bueaty ..i dont think so she will survive in india…You All Might Be Aware What Happend to (anara gxxxx - Jammu & Kashmir sex scandal ) & (Mysore-Millage - Chetna) …
    EveryBody Able To Do It But just all matter of time .. if they (United state)can do it (Ind) can do it…all matter of time …We Need Next Generation Politician..who would have free mind…probably u might be one of those

  49. ALIENS said,

    November 18, 2006 @ 8:19 am

    fellaws!! u see a lot n observe alot..

    after reading ur comments, i feel lucky that i neva seen a Desi Flick..

    instead of fun, it will be a night mare..

  50. mad-hosh said,

    November 24, 2006 @ 8:29 am

    It’s better 2 masturebate rather than waisting 2hrs in the hope of having agood glimpse of the old pussy…………..

  51. Jake said,

    November 24, 2006 @ 4:01 pm

    For sonia…u seem to be a sweet heart…good going…well for da rest o ya guyz who have more or less da same kinda of view on south indians..or south india(shud i say)…..trust me u need to grow up…and for ur information none of these movies r made in kerala…cuz most of them r not keralites or…..in ur languague…mallus…they belong to a different country al2gether….i dnt wnt to mention it…and hey im not a keralite…’bout porn???….phew i hate XXX porn…Especially indain…

  52. Ashwini said,

    November 30, 2006 @ 3:19 pm

    The girl on the cover is not the one in the movie. The girl on the cover is really beautiful and sexy. As you start the video you don’t understand what happened to the cover girl…

    I wish to do jus one porn to tell that non- mallu girls do exist in india.

  53. Vijay Nigam said,

    December 5, 2006 @ 11:10 am

    guys , watching indian porn is really shameful , its horrible u can never see a north indian girl in indian porn . its better to insert ur penis in a bitch’s fuck hole than to watch a south girl.its so repulsive.

  54. Holy Cow said,

    December 10, 2006 @ 3:23 pm

    In Indian porn:

    > Ill-fitting clothes are mandatory.
    > Shabby, dingy room, a necessity.
    > Cock should not exceed 2 inches in length.
    > Longest pubic hair contest among the actors.
    > Cameraman should be inept.
    > Woman’s ass should always sag.
    > Gulit trip should be clearly portrayed on the actors’ faces.

  55. sriram said,

    December 25, 2006 @ 2:08 am

    the guy who fucka the girl looks like an ex-military man,most of them dont suck pussy,which cant be found becoz its hiding under the girls belly

  56. x-men said,

    December 26, 2006 @ 12:54 am

    sriram,you are right i appreciate spyder and ranjith,

  57. paparoach said,

    December 28, 2006 @ 12:25 am

    1. Woman is either too fat or too thin …. but definitely ugly.
    2. Dead-pan expression on womans face must.
    3. Moushtaches on womans face must.
    4. There are no young whores in india … all whores are born 5 years before menopause.

  58. Ram Lal said,

    December 28, 2006 @ 5:25 am

    Well its the most funnieset article and page that i’ve ever read in my life….. Please carry on the good work and THANKS ALL for ur postings.

  59. desi_nigga said,

    January 1, 2007 @ 2:43 pm

    nobody read the kamasutra. (the director and the actors)

    ^^^^^^ lol, yea the porn industry need to polish their history/culture
    ya’ll got a rep to protect