The Top Signs You're In A Bad Nursing Home:
Its named Heaven's Waiting Room.
Cheap TV antenna can't pick up Xena: Warrior Princess.
Defibrillator doubles as a remote control.
Its named Matlock Manor.
No furniture in it outside of beds and lots of caskets.
Radio stations alternate between Glenn Miller and broadcasting Last Rites in every language known to man.
You can't ring a nurse but you can page the attorney's office down the hall.
Rectal thermometers made of wood.
Two words: Community Bedpan.
