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Sex Advice: Husband prefers masturbation over sex

Editors Note: I got this in the mailbox from a desperate newly wed wife and I would like you all to post your suggestions to her in the comments.

I am 26, married for the last 7months. My husband watches porn, his computer is full of thousands of girls showing their pussies n breasts, multiple partners having sex. He does his work late night, in between he watches porn and maturbates. He masturbates in the morning also (I saw him doing and he addmitted it later) now the problem is when it comes to having sex with me he gives me excuses (tired, not in a mood, busy, feeling lazy, or postpone it for another day). We have sex almost after 7 to 8 days. I have a high sex drive, I want to have sex everyday as much as possible but this behaviour of his is driving me crazy as I am not able to fulfill my sexual desires. Its getting hard on me please help.

Comments (112)

Posted by sree
on: September 30, 2007 5:57 PM | Reply

Well when he is working (if at home) try going near him and try out ur luck. May be he will be interested in you if u titillate him in right places !! and he will not watch any more porn.All the best !!

Posted by Kiran
on: September 30, 2007 6:15 PM | Reply

Hi, i think you need to try and make him come to you. you may want to take out his porns from the PC when he is out and get him to make it up to you. Secondly, you may want to speak with him and ask him of any apprehensions he has of having sex with you. You may want to make him feel comfortable having sex with you. This is worth a discussion between you and your hubby and you both need to sit together and sort this out. Alternatively, looking at it from another angle, ur hubby might be involved with other women too. If nothing works, then you may want to search a good partner for sex and have it discretely (last option and least preferred one). Dont want to see your married life messed up!!!!

Posted by imagination
on: September 30, 2007 6:25 PM | Reply

i think, the better way is to join him, while watching porn.... and gradually, attracting him toward urself will do the job.. rest is upto u, that how can u handle him.

Posted by Rahman
on: September 30, 2007 6:42 PM | Reply

Guess the lady's hubby is not pleased with what he sees in the woman. Or there should be something that the lady does which puts him off. One more reason for a man to reject his wife and indulge in masturbation is because the husband may be imagining having sex with someone else when he is masturbating. Whatever be the reason, I think he needs psychiatric help. As for this woman, I think she needs to get out of this marriage and look out for satisfaction elsewhere.

I think you should look for good alternatives.
If your actual presence is worth less than porn movies, you should take cue and go to some one who can fulfill your sex drive.
Be adventurous, or stop moaning like a yo-yo ... cheers!!!

Posted by mac
on: September 30, 2007 7:11 PM | Reply

If he like pron and not you, then dress sexy, play hard to get, give him sneak looks of your cleavage, when he watches pron, masturbate in his view...

Posted by anon
on: September 30, 2007 7:21 PM | Reply

He's cheating on you - full stop.

Posted by kanh
on: September 30, 2007 7:26 PM | Reply

Hi,

Well y not you dress like a porn star, and when he is watching porn, go in front of him take him by surprise, go nearer give him head and be wild...
be a driver then,,,

hope this will help, this what my wife did,;-)

Posted by Aseem Kumar
on: September 30, 2007 7:34 PM | Reply

The reason why a man would masturbate is that he wants to have sex with someone he loves or in the manner he loves. You have been clearly insufficient in understanding his psychosexual needs and have been just demanding, thinking only of yourself instead of your husband first. Anyway, nothing has gone wrong yet. Just be with your husband and follow these tips, which may at least help in bettering and sweetening your relationship:

1. Watch porn with him, all the while studying him. You will notice lots of interesting facts about him. Identify all that he finds sexy.
2. Ask him about the first time he had sex, the first time he fell in love, what he did then, and also about later incidents. Tease him about his girlfriends, if any, or just anything without letting his self-esteem down. In short, gel with him on on a psychosexual level.
3. Praise him about his manly prowess (don't lie though). Increase his self-esteem. A man's greatest fear is of being impotent and the greatest self-esteem is of being potent.
4. Let him masturbate; see him masturbate in front of you. Lick his semen, it will excite him. Don't worry, there is nothing dirty or unhygienic in it. It is medically proven. Excite him about yourself in manners you can think.
5. Remember, every man is born an asshole and needs to be taught about love holes. Teach him things he doesn't know or hasn't experienced yet.
6. Learn ways to stimulate a man--search on google, etc. There are several good sites and groups out there on the internet.
7. Buy a copy of 'Men In Love' by Nancy Friday and read it. You will begin to understand men in a new light. You can also read men's fantasies online.
8. Role-play your husband's fantasies together with your husband.
9. Make yourself attractive always before your husband. The need for good looks is intense in a sexual partner. Read the Kamasutra's advice on managing a husband.

You are lucky to have such a loving husband. With a little effort, you can make him a lovemaking husband too. And then, you will experience a new and the true meaning of being a woman.

Legally, you are entitled to a divorce. But I would say why break a marriage when you can just be the heroine of it.

Best of luck,
Your friend.

Posted by Anonymous
on: September 30, 2007 8:08 PM | Reply

You guys need to consult a doctor very soon. Your husband behaviour may make you stray away.. and ultimately affect married life.
Better be quick

Posted by Freak!
on: September 30, 2007 8:08 PM | Reply

Dear Lady!
First of all... i am sad whatever is going on with you, i do understand what happens when you don't get your desires fulfilled.
While reading your msg, i came to know one interesting thing "My husband watches porn, his computer is full of thousands of girls showing their pussies n breasts, multiple partners having sex" , multiple partners! this is what i was talking about. there might be a possibility of him fantasizing group sex or something, but as you mentioned he masturbates, it leads to one conclusion that he might wants you to share! n because of very sensitive matter he might be afraid or something, there could be a possibility!

So my advice would be, talk to him, be blunt and ask him what he really wants, as he watches porn a lot, so keep an eagle eye on his reactions on certain porn scene n try to imitate it, act like the chic in that movie, this could make him fantasize abt you rather than focusing on Porno! Everyday plan a new dress up, new situation, and if possible plan a new place, you are newly wed so you guyz can try your best for sex, and go out on honeymoon, even if you have been earlier then also go again. Dont ever think of getting into extramarital affairs or something, because a pleasure of a couple of hours cold lead to fatal accidents or worse!
So think straight and be a loyal and caring wife, at this point of time your husband needs you to get out the effect of immense porno, rather than your need of your husband to fulfill your desires!

Thanks
Freak!

Posted by praveen
on: September 30, 2007 8:12 PM | Reply

dear starving dude,let me give u a suggesion.the guys like ur husband is not intrested in normal sex foreplay.they expect smthin special to turn em on.u spy the type of movies he watches to get an idea of his expectations or u can try watchin the porn movie with your husband,being naked or half dressed.i guess ur husband is fond of bondage type of stuff cos the guys who watch lots of porn are more attached to bondage sex or public sex.so u can try the first one or try havin sex at some places like balcony,terrace,garden,etc.try the above stuff and i wish u to end up in sm streamin hot fuckin ...

Posted by VARUN
on: September 30, 2007 8:12 PM | Reply

well dear, i would suggest that yout talk to your hubby regarding his choice and preferences and try to know what is that he is intrested in , soemtimes its the behaviour when soemone doesnt get what he is wanting so i would suggest that you talk to him and know what he likes and then try to do what he likes.
this might work and then you can enjoy sex every day.

wishing you the very best,

varun

Posted by Chetan
on: September 30, 2007 8:34 PM | Reply

This is quite common things with men happening now. The best solution is not to stop him doing so but participate along with him in his this act and just friedly questions in between what best he is finding in it. Instead he masturbate , you take the controle of his penis with hand and rub it and let him watch the porns he want to. I am sure finaly he will do it with you rather than masturbating. It is only one way men think of getting excited.

I am sure it will work and slowly he will turn to you.

Posted by Rocky
on: September 30, 2007 8:40 PM | Reply

Some guys like masturbating over sex...
But if u want to fullfill ur desires then u can do that by helping ur husband, get involved with ur husband n help him out with masturbating n try to give him sexual desires for u that will wotk out...

Posted by IAmTheOne
on: September 30, 2007 8:41 PM | Reply

Well well the only thing may be you are not so sexy , oops :)
ok now listen honey , you have to show him sumthing that what you are , you should wear sexy dresses and also whenever he is watching porn sit next to him and watch porn with him and dont let him masturbate for himself you should do it for a few days , and everything will be just fine ,

happy sex+married life

Posted by rajd101
on: September 30, 2007 9:01 PM | Reply

i guess u should try to do more foreplay when u guys hv sex tht way he would like it more and maybe talk to him abt hw he would like ur lv to start and end when u guys do it talking to him is the best option from wt i c to know more abt his sex drive :-)

Posted by sathish
on: September 30, 2007 9:06 PM | Reply

hi..

I am a bachelor..
ask him not see more matter movies in internet or PC...ask him to move along with u....

Posted by spiceboy
on: September 30, 2007 9:07 PM | Reply

Alas ! I wish she was my wife.
Wonder if she could get him to reveal what fantasies attract him
on the net and probably try some of it herself to win his attention back.

Posted by arun
on: September 30, 2007 9:08 PM | Reply

i read the problem of the newly wed wife.so mam its a common feature of a man who adicted to net sex. so the solution is u ask ur partner to see the porn with him so that u can enjoy and when ur partner feel the desire for sex by viewing those porn pictures atleast he will make love with u not doing self sex.it is natural after mam's husband net sex show he him self arosed and he can not control and do self sex and after that he lack his apetite for sex with his wife.so in my advice that lady should ask his hubby to share the net sex so that she can control her wife

Posted by Rohit
on: September 30, 2007 9:21 PM | Reply

This is really pathetic. My suggestion is you should not request your husband for sex, in turn try to attract him by showing your body. When you see your husband masturbating then take his hand off and give him a blowjob. If none of these work then the only way out is to satisfy your desire by other means.

Posted by Reddy
on: September 30, 2007 9:56 PM | Reply

Do One thing . U have to expose as like sexy fig. Tempt him and do something play with his rod. Your pussy should be clear to lick.. do like some more on him

Posted by DReaper
on: September 30, 2007 10:05 PM | Reply

i guess u need to indulge him.
best suggestion wud be to give him blow jobs as he watches porn, indulge with him during his porn watching, slowly you can hijack him from the computer to you,,, it is in your hands - you cannot watch the sky(or mail to debonairblog) and get a solution. you need to participate, dont ask him to penetrate, or give you pleasure, u indulge, blow his dick like hell, suck it, wet wet like hell, play and pray the dick!

he will come to you on his own, he will not resist the blow job, he will fuck like mad.

Send me a mail if you have any doubt. I will help you regain the sex life with your husband.!! All the BEST! (bet: im just like ur hubby and i know how it feels when the woman does not make the moves)

DReaper

Posted by freebyheart
on: September 30, 2007 10:10 PM | Reply

All i can do is sympathize with you. If you need any help, do not hesitate to let me know.

Posted by praful
on: September 30, 2007 10:15 PM | Reply

its quiet a problem honey...
but u do onething if u can lay hands on his pc delet all the porn stuff.....try to seduce him....try to do things he like to do while having sex......seduce him so much make him go crazy for u.....
if it doesnt work tell him that if his behaviour continues u wont mid sleeping with other guy....i promise he will strip and have sex wid u so much that u will ask how to make him stop......

Posted by K.K
on: September 30, 2007 10:26 PM | Reply

Well its sad.
He is a stupid man.If he has a wife full of sexual desires then i dnt knw y he watches porn on computer.
He should give u full time.

Posted by subhro datta
on: September 30, 2007 10:29 PM | Reply

If ur husband is an mba,engineer or working in corporate sector plz understand and forgive him.These people get screwed so much in work they don't want the same thing back home.Try going with him on a holiday.May be that will help u.tc

Posted by manoj
on: September 30, 2007 10:30 PM | Reply

Hey talk to your husband openly. ask him if he just likes the hot girls and try to be dressed up like the one in porn and he will definetely turn up his attention don't look very simple .

If even that doesn't work ask him to manage a guy for u so that u can have sex with him and watching that must turn him on and both of u will get what u want.

If by any chance u r from bangalore i am ready for it with no string attached and just fun.

Posted by ashok
on: September 30, 2007 10:31 PM | Reply

u r really into a serious problem.see imaginary world is always better than real life. some people loves to stay in their imaginary world . secondly masturbation is also an anohter kind of sex like 3some and 4some but this is solo sex.most masturbator loves to stay alone because people around them disturbs and breaks their imagination.so what u have to do is to help him for masturbation,share his imaginary sexual desires and definitely not to stay away from him.once he will be comfortable enjoying masturbation in ur presenence he will ask u to participate and that will take him to sex with u. so formula is sharing his imaginative ideas,helping him to do masturbation and reading his mind abt sex.sometime odd sexual positions can be demanded by him ,so pls support himfor that. he will be back for u and only for u for sure.

Posted by thinker
on: September 30, 2007 10:36 PM | Reply

I think he dosent think you so hot....it would be that way...or he could be lazy.....try being hot in front of him....change clothes infront of him ...try to bath in showerwith him ....all these would make him crazy.... mail me for more ideas

You have to get your husband some counselling. its a serious problem. too much porn is an addiction that needs remedy.

Posted by Leo
on: September 30, 2007 10:39 PM | Reply

To begin with,

how come you posted this query on a website that showcases porn???? i think even u have a porn watching problem just like most of us here.


if ur problem is genuine u and ur husband need counselling !!!!

try talk to him and if he really cares abt you , he should let go. else, u should consider other options. :)
all the best

Posted by adarsh
on: September 30, 2007 10:48 PM | Reply

The man is mainly newly married.The man will be enjoing sex in this form. ie watching porn and then masturbating.He only fantacise about a lot of nude girl etc for getting hot and enjoyment. His enjoyment is now limited to this type of fantacies.and because he used to this. Now it depends upon his wife to get him pleasure from her. She has to understand what seduce him.Then only he will start feel good from his wife and accept her and forget all his old fantacies.

Posted by babarickybaba
on: September 30, 2007 10:56 PM | Reply

hello mam the problem which u told is not that big, i think u the reasons behing ur problem might be that u r not talking about sex with ur husband so try to ask him what he likes and what he dislikes and if still he is making excuses then ask him y is he not cooperating, even i also am male i know that sometimes we feel lazy to have sex, i mean we want to have sex but not strokes so in this situation u can try to give him blowjob to turn him on then somtimes let him relax u have sex in horseridding position, and ya u can even try this when he is watching pron movies just give him a nice blowjob, and have sex while watching pron movie thats all i can say currently

Posted by Someone
on: September 30, 2007 11:04 PM | Reply

I would say it would be wise if the lady goes and talks to her husband and expresses her keen desire for having sex. She should also be submissive that she is willing to know and try what he would like to see in her to make him feel more attracted towards her. Sometimes its the simplicity of the woman that kills the sexual appeal of the man to make sex with her and therefore she should be wearing more inviting dress while at home. This game is all about attractions.

Posted by Cheater
on: September 30, 2007 11:12 PM | Reply

She needs to work on to be more desirable than his Watching of a PORN

Posted by CoolDude
on: September 30, 2007 11:18 PM | Reply

I Think its better if you talk to ur husband about this...Even after that if he doesn't understand its better you find someone to fullfill your desires... I might have not given the right suggestion but thats what i think i would have done so tht my partner understands me and my feelings.

... ;)

Posted by Pinky
on: September 30, 2007 11:22 PM | Reply

Sorry! to read ur mail.Try be away from him for a week. Then he will automatically comes to u.Also keep yourself fresh and cool.And wear sexy outfits in the nights.Also have gud body lotion and mild perfume.IT WILL DEFINITELY WORKS BABEE!!!

Posted by varun
on: September 30, 2007 11:27 PM | Reply

Okk ur husband has a got a cyber and porn movie adiction,,he have to go undergo seriouse treatment if he is that much addicted to it,,so before u do that try to convince him to have sex with u when he used to watch that by gettting urself nude or doing in front of him wat he used to sees in the movie ,,, may be i think he had a lot of fantasies also thaqt need to be fullfilled that i think u dont like to do with him

Posted by rk
on: September 30, 2007 11:28 PM | Reply

it is very much clear from ur prob that u are not acting upto the extpectations of ur husand ....... he has certain extpectations from you ...try and explore them moreover you are lucky enough to find a husband like him.. or else ppl starts visiting places of their sex satisfaction rather than masterbating....
and you are blaming your husband......
''Women are too clever for us men to understand''
.

Posted by shiv
on: September 30, 2007 11:34 PM | Reply

Hey dear,
Start giving more foreplay
to your husband, tease him,
every now and then, hold
his tool, give him blow job.
He is addicted to things
like seeing porn, takes
time for you in getting
settle down, dont let
him do the late night
work on pc, and when
he is masterbating interrupt
him with a good foreplay.
I think this will be
going to solve your problem
not instantly but make a practice of giving blowjob
so that he should feel
uncomfortable while masterbating.
Please keep me posted in case any clarifications.

Posted by rocky
on: September 30, 2007 11:34 PM | Reply


Don't go too far with your desires and emotions.

It has been 7 months, so its obvious that things get normal & boring, for few, who likes change in life.

I suggest, dont get too much emotional, and use brain to attract him, new dresses, new decoration, new hair style, ignoring him when it comes to sexual feelings (this means, when you want, don't beg, but act, you can live without, and attract him wheneve possible, excercise and get your figure abck (slowly), be good & smiling always).

When he gets attracted, try to take the chance of masturbating him, with hand and mouth (so that he depends on you for it), and then its in your hands, you look better than those vdo girls.

This advise is for an intelligent women, be it, save your married life and your real life, be with patience, cool, similing, be a good & horny girl!, you will win (he sees films so he is horny too, you are horny too, you just need to attract him)

best of luck

Posted by noname
on: October 1, 2007 12:01 AM | Reply

Hi,
I have seen a similar problem in "Sex and The city". The solution was, the girl seduced the boy. So, she used beautiful lingerie, sexy outfit, to arouse the boy. Because the boy likes to see the girls like that, he would be aroused. I guess take postures of the nude girls you have seen in the pics or movies, make sexy and naughty smiles, make naughty moves. I think that should help.
Wishing you a great love life.
A boy

Posted by uknown
on: October 1, 2007 12:08 AM | Reply

see the solution is very simple. don't see him in wrong perspective that he is doin wrong by seeing porn, u better go in to his way and discuss with him about the posr and slowly u can meke him turn toward u... hope u got the right solution...

Posted by saket
on: October 1, 2007 12:18 AM | Reply

impress ur husband by wearing sexy cloth n attract him towards u

Dear lady, your husband looks to be a chronic mastubator. Asking him to stop doing that suddenly will be foolish.You can join him while watching porn movies, nude pics.Wear sexy dress while he sees porn, give him a good blowjob, tease him,encourage him to participate in foreplay, comment about the girls beauty in the movie, tell him you love to have sex with him in certain sex position as in the movie.Discuss with him about his fantasies/dreams, later about yours. Rather than making him feel masturbating is wrong, you can participate in his masturbation, masturbate him,drag him into sex. Rest is upto you, use your imagination.

Posted by Sanjeev
on: October 1, 2007 12:27 AM | Reply

Why don't u give your husband some jealous moments.Have sex with someone else. Let him know. Maybe he gets jealous and gives you more attention

Posted by steve
on: October 1, 2007 12:29 AM | Reply

Whenever you see him masturbating, go sit with him, watch the movies he watches. As you said, you are passionate about sex, you can do a good blowjob for him, which may give him more interest towards you rather than the movies. look more sexy. if possile do stripping.. This may help you..

Posted by Mr.X
on: October 1, 2007 12:36 AM | Reply

Hi,

I think seriously she needs to talk to him abt this. If he continues...threaten him saying that if he won't satisfy you, then you will fulfill your desire with some one else. If he still continues...mail me (hehehe)

Posted by Sarath
on: October 1, 2007 12:38 AM | Reply

When he watches porn or does masturbation, go to him and sexily take his penis in your hands and excite him. Moan and appreciate his penis. He will then get so excited and he will have Sex with you.

Posted by rao
on: October 1, 2007 12:43 AM | Reply

hi baby,
you have to figure out how to seduce your man...Many females do not express much, and are too passive in bed... that does turnoff some males...its a tricky thing....even if u are too aggressive, you may turnoff a male... so one has to learn by experimentation. but still if it fails, your man may require coucelling.

Posted by raj
on: October 1, 2007 12:43 AM | Reply

Hi,
Suggest that, why don't you start watching porn sites and some movies with him? Do it for few days and find out that does want same kind of actions from you. Whatever, you may able to just do it for him, am sure once you do that, he will enjoy everything with you for entire life.
Regards...Raj.

Posted by arun
on: October 1, 2007 12:49 AM | Reply

if h dose not want sex let him be and u also masturbate by chating with guys who want to chat sex

Hello.i have read the different type of psychology.and you must treat your husband with a psychologist.even this is not the pshchological disorder but a psychologist can remove that habbit from ur husband.


Actually most of the boys do masturbate before marriage afte seeing porn movies and that thing make a lust for them .these boys prefer masturbae rather tan sex. but tell ur husband that now that there is no hindrance in sex now and he has own a wife .so try to provide urself to him everytime and say some crazy and lusty words to him so this will chage ur husband and he will be more possesive to urself.In sex Foreplay plays a very important role.whenever he comes near to you for sex do foreplay this will enhance the sexual feelings and deffinately change r husband habbit.

Posted by VJ
on: October 1, 2007 1:02 AM | Reply

tell to your husband whatever you need or else let him know that there are other ways also to get fulfill your desires. He definitely will think about it and again your life will be full of joy.

Posted by Indian
on: October 1, 2007 1:11 AM | Reply

Are you keeping any effort in arousing him anyway? if not try dressing differently and modern way which shows your assets not fully but little bit visible and transparent dresses, speaking dirty words, doing some romantic things, touching his private parts, even sometimes if you do oral sex infront of him, he may get arouse....Try do all these things if possible. If you are not success then do mail me back, I will tell you some more tricks to arouse a man for desperate sex.

Posted by Rahul
on: October 1, 2007 1:18 AM | Reply

Hi Dear Miss, I read all your problem, and I think that with the so much effect of porn, masturbation your hubby has got weakened interms of CUMM, ERECTION, and maybe he is right to avoid it. I just want to OFFER my Hot, Hard, Daily 24/7 services with my cam2cam option. You can add me and play with me on c2c Yahoo, and then we can also have some our own real photos, and clips sharing (made during our cam2cam) for our this esteemed WEBSITE. You can hide your pretty FACE if you feel un-comfortable....
Honey I know that a young girl like YOU can't carry on with her HOT desires, I will wait for you to meet online so soon.
My yahoo ID for cam2cam as a SLAVE FOR YOU ONLY is here under:
"gulzkillerguy"

Posted by DontFearTheReaper
on: October 1, 2007 1:24 AM | Reply


It seems to me that he's avoiding you. If he is not addicted to porn, then tell him to take care of business or you'll get someone who will.

Posted by kalia
on: October 1, 2007 2:08 AM | Reply

You need to find out what your husband is interested in. Once you come to know what he is interested in you can make him do sex with you as much as you can because he has the potential to do it as you said he masturbates regularly even in the morning which is very rare and that means your dreams can come true, You just have to make yourself his interest .. hope it helps

Posted by Kanwaljit
on: October 1, 2007 2:16 AM | Reply

from your message what I can figure out is that your hubby likes group sex / bondage sex kind of stuff. You might be having high sex drive but you are not able to show him that you can be naughty in bed too. Most of the men look for girls who can be decent outside but wild & naughty in bed.

I would suggest you should try to be naughty with him. If he say no to sex you take the lead. Throw him on bed, if required tie his hands & legs wih bed & fuck him as if there would be no tomorrow.

You only need to make sure you be naughty & wild in your bedroom.

Posted by u_know_me
on: October 1, 2007 2:18 AM | Reply

It is obvious, there is very less sexual compatibility. Communicate, be frank, don't take offence to his likings. Experiment. Go for a make over. Change

Posted by Ranbir
on: October 1, 2007 2:23 AM | Reply

Well, this is very bad thing that he was pretending you.
Just try to warn him that if he doesnot fullfill your needs then you will also look outside for otherone, this is the basic need of a couple (Enjoying Sex).
Then only he will feeljealous and understand your feelings.

Posted by Shoaib
on: October 1, 2007 2:44 AM | Reply

I got your problem, the main thing is attraction in sexual meeting, I think u r not giving ur hubby a good attraction and u r not doing what ur hubby wants which made a distance between u n ur hubby. U should do what ever ur hubby wants during sex, I think it will solve ur problem. I think he is indulge seeing the porn pics in which the girls r doing so many instances. U should try to do things u saw in thoes pics.

Posted by RAHUL
on: October 1, 2007 2:52 AM | Reply

Personally i feel u hv to directly talk to ur husband abt ur problem ....he is the onlly person who can do everything not the people who r njoying ur problem ...tell him abt ur fantasies..i feel he is the perfect person who can feel ur problem ..it happens when boys hv maximum workload ..they want sex but they do not hv time to hv it ..so they mastrubate ..bcz nobody can compermise with his emotions and needs ..try to talk to him n convince him

Posted by t
on: October 1, 2007 2:53 AM | Reply

i think you should put a video of yourself on his pc being a bit dirty that will get his attenstion and show you willing to play try it

Posted by Ali
on: October 1, 2007 2:54 AM | Reply

I have come across this situation before also. It sounds like the wife isn't fulfilling the husband's needs much.. it is highly probable that he is looking for some particular need which he cannot fulfill with his wife. The other likelihood is that he does not find his wife physically attractive and hence does not feel aroused when he is near her.
I would suggest a straight heart to heart chat between the husband and wife to understand the gap. This is a classic example of a massive communication gap which needs bridging. Good luck!

Posted by CYBER
on: October 1, 2007 2:57 AM | Reply

TRY 2 ATTRACT UR HUSBAND BY ALL MEAN PLEASE HIM 2 GO 4 SOME VACATION IN HILL SEA AT LEAST THOSE AREAS WHERE HE CANT ACCESS HIS COPMUTER AND U R THHE ONLY SOL'N 4 HIS DESIRES MAKE HIM AWARE ABOUT UR UNFULFILLED DESIRES AND TELL HOW MUCH LOVE U WANT. WITH OUT TELLING HIM NO SOL'N

IF EVERYTHING FAILS TRY 2 CONTACT ME.........I HELP U

Posted by HotBoy
on: October 1, 2007 3:09 AM | Reply

Hi, If you don't mind and not hasitate then try to get a fulfill your desire with someone else like me....


he he he.....

Posted by vivek
on: October 1, 2007 3:17 AM | Reply

he needs more attention.

If you are the type who thinks man is supposed to take all the initiative, and do all the work, then that's the root cause of the problem.

if you fondle him, kiss him, suck him and arouse him as much he is aroused while masturbating, he will do it with you too.

remember, he loves masturbating only because then all his attention is on his tool. regular sex can not give him that, unless you are willing to give it to him.

ask yourself, have you played with his penis as much as he has played with you boobs and clit?

Posted by Mista
on: October 1, 2007 3:43 AM | Reply

hi,
what your husband is going through is not too uncommon.
i am not an expert at this sort of thing, but i can make a few suggestions that may work.
1)Instead of being repulsed by his porn collection....show an interest in it and you might learn something about your husband's sexual preferences (eg maybe he likes some styles or maybe he is into some fetish)
2) suggest to him the idea of you masturbating him while he is watching his porn. you doing it for him will be much better and him doing it himself.
3)Most importantly, talk to him...he might surprise you.

Posted by LOVER226
on: October 1, 2007 3:45 AM | Reply

Why don't you help him in masturbation.i mean when he watches porn movies at night you also sit with him and see those porn movies with him and then help him in masturbation...??????????????????????????...try it may be it work

Posted by yaro
on: October 1, 2007 3:46 AM | Reply

Hubby 30 years old.

I do just this. I masturbate at least once a day for the last several years. Before marriage and continue after marriage. Hoe=wever, in my case, sex drive for wife is once a week only. So I do not want to bother her. Evertime she pass a signal and I fuck her. Also, as I have been heavily masturbating for years I cna't cum in a pussy. I need to keep dick dry and stroke harder and faster to cum (when I was in colleage, next to my rented house was a house shared by various colleage girls and I ended up masturbating 3 to 4 times a day peeping at them). In contrast, my wife cum in minutes. So I fuck her hard till she thoroughl enjoy. Then I withdraw, wipe it dry and stroke. While I do this sometimes she gently plays with her pussy. And she indicates another round. At the end I cum stroking. Then she never think of sex for the next 7 to 10 days.
Advise to you: Though I enjoy masturbating, and get less pleasure fucking her (as I can't cum in her) the following things turns me on:
1) Seeing her just after bath fresh and looking for her gown nude.
2) Fresh look in her churidar.
3) Asleep with gown up and no panties. Especially true when I get my morning erection and then see her bun or pussy, I feel like mounting her. And we have done it several times.
Things that turn me off:
1) Cooking smell on her cloths.
2) Seeing her soiled napkin in the garbage can.
3) During sex, no participation. Though, she luvs the sex and enjoy it, do not reciprocate. She lies down and enjoy sex as a paid service! But after I have pointed it several times to her
she now carresses the dick, and sucks pretending to enjoy it.

Overall follow this:
Always praise his dick is hard.
Even if you don't like it, suck it as if you are enjoying it. During sex if he asks naughty questions like, have you seen you sister's pussy or do yoy masturbated in school etc. just answer to make him hotter (you can see you have seen sister's pussy few times, and when he asks continue answering like very hairy etc. Believe me he would not think of your sister after the sex - it is just a naughty chat). Remember, the more he get aroused, you reap the benefit! Ensure you always fresh.

Also, yahoo camming can help you a lot as most couples will only play with couples.

And if ever he bring a camera to click you nude, pose but ensure no faces are shown. You have to get the correct balance. You should not project you linke a nympho, at the same time your thoughts or looks should make his dick harder!

Good luck!

Posted by Anonymous NRI
on: October 1, 2007 5:00 AM | Reply

I have experienced the same issue and have heard first hand about few others complaining as well. Let me take a shot at answering your question.

I am a male in my late 20s, married, born and raised in India, have a USA degree and have travelled around the world. I prefered to watch porn and masturbate than having sex with my wife. Some of my friends, all fitting the same profile, also had similar issues. I am over it now, but unfortunately it has become a major issue in one of my friends' marriage leading to seperation.

The crux of the matter was that men are visually stimulated. Especially for young men who grew up with the Internet, several years of watching porn and masturbating makes their body and mind more and more used to visual stimulation. But, after marriage sex is usually very little to do with visuals. Indian girls prefer touching and kissing than seeing and be seen naked.

Majority of Indian girls feel shy about their body and are uncomfortable without clothes even before their husbands. Also, there is a notion that anything below the waist is unhygienic and they would prefer groping in the dark than open exploration of each others physique in the light. Getting over these is one of the first steps girls can take towards having an enriching sex life.

Since you mention that your husband has pictures of naked women, see what kind of girls he masturbates to and try imitating them by changing your clothes, your hairstyle and even shaving/trimming certain areas of your body. While this may sound degrading to some, remember that you are just playing to his tastes and not becoming one of those girls. My wife solved the problem by just changing her panties from the really generic ones to much more fancier ones. While it is easy to get those in the US, it could be a challenge depending on where you are in India. Check out victoria's secret website if you don't know where to start.

Next is the use of hands and mouth. Most Indian girls resent the idea of putting their mouth around someone's penis or letting their partner lick their vagina. On this very site, debonairblog.com, you can find several videos where the girl will shy away when her partner uses his hands. But, this is one of the best methods to satisfy young men. Just visit the various porn sites and discussion groups and you will see.

Finally, be open and talk about your sexual desires to each other without any inhibitions or feeling dirty about doing so. Most of the time you will have no idea that the very act you intend to stimulate your partner is a complete turn off for him.

I have personally benefitted from the above and my married sex life is excellent now. I am still a visually stimulated person, but now the visual is that of my wife and not a porn star.

Posted by kulfi
on: October 1, 2007 6:42 AM | Reply

Editor,

To whom it may concern, this behaviour of your husband is not abnormal. Some men might have a problem to let go such habits after marriage totally, it seems your husband has urge basically (LUST) seeing other women compared to you and in such mist he fails to make you feel wanted and fail to appreciate your beauty even though he may be a loving husband.. Explain to him calmly that you love him and that you want to make this marriage work, and rather fantasising on other women, tell him to work on the relationship with you, tell him how much it demoralises you when he prefers to see other women in porn. When you explain to your husband your point of view honestly if he loves you he will care about your feelings. I wish to add that his watching of porn may take a while to stop however this approach would make him voluntarily realise watching porn does not do any good to the marriage at all, it only makes a man think how different his wife compared to the porn gals. This confusion of reality living and fantasy is very much a problem in men today. After all the same teenagers who are hooked to porn are the same men who get married one day, a vicious cycle but then that’s life. Hope this helps. Wish you al the best.

Rgds,
Kulfi

Posted by Ravi
on: October 1, 2007 7:49 AM | Reply

I think u need to ask him up frount what is that he needs to have in order to have sex every day, From the info given by u it seems he had a lot of fantacys and he things he cannot have them with u.

You can try to c what kind a porn he has on his computer and may be try to do some with him u know get him excited and shock and he wants multipel partners u need to talk it out with him.

Every person has fantacys and some time in life they need to live them to a extent in there bedroom so find out what his desire are and u will have your salution.

Posted by smith
on: October 1, 2007 10:08 AM | Reply

dear lady, its a pity that you are a horny woman, on the other hand your hubby watches a lot of porn and is not interested in having sex with you is quite funny 'seriouly'. I'm a single guy who all the time thinks about sex and get turned on when i see a woman having a decent figure. The problem is simple. Either their is something wrong with you or obviously something majorly wrong with him.Take your man and get professional help. Good luck.

Posted by yaro
on: October 1, 2007 10:15 AM | Reply

Another tip. Keep the opening of your vagina shaved. Take a bath and roam around pretending searching for your panties. I am sure he gonna do a mouth job on you!

This question may be a fake one. But, nevertheless it is a nice forum for both hubs and wives to know some first hand experiences.

Posted by hey
on: October 1, 2007 10:38 AM | Reply

the most charming way to outshine those pornstars is this:

get totally clean shaven ( you know what i mean...). get down to doing a strip tease. choose a really hot number. practice it beforehand.match your pace with the song.slow is better. make your steps simply too smooth and perfect ( well, we'r trying to save a mrg here!)
and this strip tease should end with a proper masturbation session. do it in front of him, bang on. and yes, your moans are better music to him than any song.

if you can do this one really well ( and also adjust it to his needs and preferences...), you'r gonna be in for an orgasm train for sure!

you can even make a video of this and leave it on his desktop as a surprise. dont delete the rest of the porn...just make sure your video is worth a 100 others.


now the cruel part... if the above thing does not help,you need help from either a mrg counsellor or probably look for satisfaction elsewhere ( with or without seperating from him.)

Posted by rahil
on: October 1, 2007 1:03 PM | Reply

hi dear!! i can help you with the problem as i also oftenly behave like your husband..
here are few tips you need to follow:-
a. sometimes a male need a most reliable partner who fullfills his all the needs of sex without a word or discussions.So help him making love just like a pillow grabbed.
b.most of the time gaze your husband quitely and carely watch his mood and do accordingly.
c.the most important is that once you get hint from him get ready without wasting time.

u need to do this few times only.remember u r only source of pleasure for him so tuned to your full extent.

Posted by fuck u
on: October 1, 2007 2:09 PM | Reply

well try talking to him and find out wats the matter secondly u can get near him and undress urself into a sexy lingerie....try seducing him still it doesnt work just mail me back....i'll be there for u at all times

Posted by skv
on: October 1, 2007 3:23 PM | Reply

OMG. I simply cant believe there are so many genuinely impressive/thoughtful comments on a porn site. Simply unbelievable. Kudos to the editor. Your site not only invites pervs like me but everyone in India.


Now to the main problem. I think if the lady reads all the comments and try to follow the advice she doesnt even need professional counseling. Like most of us I do like watching porn and masturbating more than fucking my wife. But I have my reasons. I used to make love with my wife atleast once every day until the first18 months of our marriage. But after my first baby was born she lost interest in sex. She wants to have sex but with a kid in the room crying every 15 minutes it`s just not happening. We have sex atmost once a week now. So I didnt have much choice but to masturbate.

Now my boy is 18 months old, doesnt give much trouble at night and still we dont have sex that much coz she`s lost interest in sex and me too doesnt get very attracted to her as I m addicted to porn and masturbation. Icing on the cake, though she loves it when we have sex, she just doesnt do anything but to lie down. She hates blowjobs. She hates when I finger her. She never ever makes the first move. I wish I had a wife with your sex drive. Still I try to improve our relation.

The best thing I came up with is got a new PC and connected it to my TV in my bedroom. Now all my porn is available to me at the touch of the remote button. She too gets aroused watching these videos. And though still not prefect, our sex life is definitely improving.

My advice to the lady- First make sure you know you are sexy and desirable. Now you may not be angelina jolie or bipasha basu. Not every one can be the sexiest on the planet. Doesnt mean rest of us cant enjoy sex. The real difference is the attitude. Dont worry bout your looks and body. If you think you are sexy so will your partner. Try to participate(and actually enjoy) in sex. Blowjobs will be really great if you dont have a problem. And if you feel taking a man`s penis in your mouth will be disgusting, then have a couple of drinks with your hubby and it look like the best chocolate in the world. Use perfumes. Make sure you have a bath before your hubby comes back from work.keep your bedroom neat n tidy. Keep it dim lit. Try. Try something. Dont give up. And you`ll succeed. Us men are all dogs. It`s the girls job to show us the right direction.

And if nothing else works go on a week long holiday on a beach/hill station. I went last month. In those 8 days we did it atleast 20 times. Was even better than my honeymoon.

Posted by Anwar Siddiqui
on: October 1, 2007 5:37 PM | Reply

Well a lot of people have said a lot. Let me think about it mself. I am married for a few years, I have a computer full of porn (debonaiblog is one of my favourite sites), I regularly rentout a lot of porn and I masturbate regularly too. Infact more regularly than having sex with her.

So what is wrong with all that. Nothing. Or maybe I am tired of doing all the work while having sex. Try putting your husband in a relaxed mood. Try switching the time of when you demand sex from him. Go to bed early and sleep! wake him up 1 hour before his regular wakeup time and start doing him.

Sex early mornin followed by a quick shower is much better than late night tired sex followed by the thoughts of 'need to wake up early in morning for office again...'

Hope my few words have helped you.

Posted by farhan
on: October 1, 2007 6:56 PM | Reply

watch with him porn movies also, this way when he will get excited, he might come closer to you and try all that in real..

Posted by pret atma
on: October 1, 2007 8:14 PM | Reply

Do not take any advise given by any of these guys. They suffer from the same syndrome. I suggest you speak with your husband one to one and find out what his likes and dislikes are. I suggest keeping your body free of any body hai, and buying a few sexy lingeries from the mall. Men get turned on by their wives if they are smooth, and do not smell. Make sure to use a strong deodorant as well as perfume, and also take a shower before you go to bed. Ask him to join you in bed a couple of times, you will see a marked change in his habits. Trust me this worked for my wife.

Cheers

Posted by
on: October 1, 2007 8:40 PM | Reply

I dont think u ve enough sex desire..if it thn why should u not force him by sexy stopps.im dam sure u can with few attaind giving toward...play with his panies errotick him giv him a blowjob thn he mst...try it

Posted by rpwlc
on: October 1, 2007 10:41 PM | Reply

To the OP (newly wed wife),

Over 75 comments and so called advices in just under 24 hours after posting suggests to me that you are not alone in this world and there are many like you and such (im)potent-ial husbands out there addicted to cyberporn - those who just cant meet, feel, involve & enjoy the real pleasure of sex in life. Though I dont know your cultural background and social taboo surrounding you to give you the right advice is, may be its time for you to search for alternative and options in your life. Having been in this situation before, I really feel the depth of seriousness of situation mentioned in the post, I only can sympathise and wish you good luck to find an end to this 'dry life'

Posted by WILD DOG
on: October 2, 2007 12:44 AM | Reply

1. DONT TRY TO DOMINATE HIM OR INSULT HIM.
2. IF YOU ARE INDIAN WEAR SAREE (90% MEN LIKE THIS DRESS) AND BE DIGNIFIED AND CARELESS ABOUT HIM. THIS WILL WORK AND DRAGS HIM TO YOU.
3. NEVER COMMUNICATE THAT YOU HAVE LOADS OF DESIRE OF SEX. THIS WILL MAKE HIM WORRIED (LEST HE MAY NOT SATISFY TILL END OF YOUR SATISFACTION)
4. DON'T FIGHT.. DONT FORCE HIM TO BE INTIMATE WITH YOU...BE PATIENT. IT'S ONLY MATTER OF CLEARING A THIN LINE BETWEEN YOU.
5. ENCOURAGE HIM WHILE DOING MAST'N AND PRAISE HIS INTRUMENT. ENJOY..OR AT LEAST ACT AS IF YOU ARE ENJOYING BY HOLDING IT IN HAND.
6. TALK TO HIM ABOUT FILM ACCTRESSES AND THEIR RELATIONS WHEN HE IS IN GOOD MOOD.
7. SIT WITH HIM AND ENJOY THE PORN ALONG WITH HIM...TRUST ME HE WILL RIDE YOU IN MINUTES THAN RUNNING INTO BATHROOM TO GET SATISFIED.
IF I AM NOT WRONG HE IS A SOFT MAN AND YOU ARE MUCH POWERED LADY. GIVE HIM SOME SPACE TO DOMINATE YOU.

HAPPY FUCKING.

Posted by Chootmarani
on: October 2, 2007 12:56 AM | Reply

This husband might be a homosexual. He could let it seem to his wife that he is into regular porn, but in reality, he could be jacking off to gay porn.

My advice to the lady, get out of the marriage, asap, because your hubby seems pretty gay.

Posted by wisdom girl
on: October 2, 2007 1:39 AM | Reply

Well, the pressure one can have from personal, professional life is tremendous in today’s world.

Since your husband is being lazy ass and not paying attention much to your needs is very upsetting.

If you are housewife, I would suggest come out of comfort zone. Buy some sexy and revealing outfits like minis, tube tops, sexy lingerie that you can wear in the night to get him aroused, when he is working and try to intiate conversation. Also, ask him to masturbate on your boobs instead of the computer screen 

Also, try involving some drinks like wine, which can get him in mood, ask him to engage you while he watches porn and tell him your desired positions.

This way when you are both stimulated in this sexy environment, he may get attracted to you more and instead of masturbating he will actually do sex with you.

Also, instead of taking try to give him and become more aggressive, while making love. This way he would discover the horny and wild side of you, while enjoying porn. Off course satisfy you, in a hot love making.

I hope this will help.

Wisdomgirl